No, no, I’m Fine. Really.

You know how in the midst of a bad day, it feels like everything is just failing and falling apart. You may not be able to put your finger on why or what, or it maybe that you have multiple things that are truly going wrong. Either way, later on, it usually happens that you look back and you almost feel ashamed at how much you overreacted.

I know that a week, or a month, or maybe a year from now I’ll look back and see that. But right now, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Dramatic, right???

This morning while in the midst of an already difficult grocery shopping trip with my youngest three, I received the news that my oldest son had broken his leg. Normally, this kind of news is not big enough to send my world into a tumble. I have four kids, odds are one of them will hurt themselves bad enough to seek medical care a few times a month. Today, though, it was the “straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Having struggled with depression, I have in place all the thought processes and coping mechanisms to help myself get out of the dumps. So, honestly? I’m just fine, really. I’m just…exhausted.

I’m tired of the division, the hatred, the endless drama that has become our “normal.” Every little change and every little disagreement gets blown out of proportion and it’s suddenly “the end of the world as we know it.” Guess what? Everyday our world is changing. Some bad, some good, but whether we are noticing or not, it’s changing. And furthermore, it will all be okay.

I’m not saying sit back and adopt a “Que Sera Sera” attitude. Though with some things, that is a healthy approach. I’m saying, If you see the need, Take the Lead!! If something is bothering you. Find a way to fight it or change it! And, NO!! Trolling people on Facebook and other social media sites will not change anything. Not really.

I’m saying write a letter to your governor, mayor, council person, pastor, dean, etc. Sign a petition. Join a group. Attend a town meeting. Get on the board at a local community group. Make a difference. Sitting around drowning in your own sorrows is not going to do you or anyone who feels the same any good. I’ll bet there are hundreds maybe even thousands who feel the same way you are feeling, but they’re too afraid to say anything. Or maybe they feel just as lonely in this as you do. Reach out! Not only to commiserate, but to encourage.

Anyway, thats my soap box tonight. Thanks for listening. You can go back to your scrolling now.

How Are You Coping?

Since recent events have given us all a little more free time (some of us more than we know what to do with, obviously) I thought I’d take this time to get back into some good habits.

How are you doing? Are you realizing how nice it is to be without all those little things that used to be such a big deal? Or are you losing your mind without them? Have you found ways to cope that you’d like to share? Leave a comment with your story.

As a Stay-At-Home Mom who homeschools, my day-to-day life has not been changed much. Grocery shopping has a little more of a challenge to it these days, but even that is only once a week or longer if I can manage. My kids barely know anything different is happening in the world, except for when I give them the Reader’s Digest version when they ask why yet another play date has been cancelled.

It has taken a mental and emotional toll, however, being told to think this or think that. Being told to stay home, or that the government doesn’t know what they’re talking about. The constant barrage that social media presents of people expressing their views, and arguing their point of view. Which they have every right to do, by the way. It can get overwhelming, confusing, anxiety inducing, and just downright exhausting. And I’m just on Facebook. I don’t have people Tweeting, DM’ing, SnapChatting, and whatever else there is out there!! Lol Yes, I know how old that makes me sound.

No matter what your views on what is going on right now, there is one thing we all have in common. We care about each other, we care about our families, we want everything to be all right once again.

Take this chance to really love on your kids. Spend time snuggling with your significant other on the couch. Learn to cook, sing, play guitar, another language. Read the books!! Little bit of advice, if you’re not normally home all day every day with your kids. Establish a routine and enforce it. Some normalcy and predictability will help them tremendously.

Right now my children are in the other room watching Frozen II. So forgive me, but it seemed to go along with what I’m saying here. “When it’s clear that everything will never be the same again? Then I’ll make the choice, To hear that voice, And do the next right thing.”

How can I Help?

Do you ever feel completely helpless when someone near you is hurting? I’m not necessarily talking about physical pain. That’s actually not as hard to deal with, right? You can offer to shovel their snowy sidewalk or watch their kids so they can rest or even bring them a meal. I’m thinking about when they’re walking through a season of pain. How do you help? I’ve been reading the book of Job the last couple of days, so this has been very present on my mind. In case you don’t know or need a refresher, the book of Job (that’s with a long O sound) is about a man who loses everything. His crops, herds, and even his children in just a matter of hours. Then the next day he also loses his health. I’ve heard many preachers joke about the one thing he doesn’t lose is his wife though he probably wishes he had. That’s not against wives necessarily, it’s more her attitude after Job loses everything.

There is a huge element of spiritual warfare I’m leaving out of my explanation as well, not because it’s not important but because my point isn’t derived from that side.

Now Enter Stage Right Job’s three friends: Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. Then toward the end a much younger friend speaks up who is named Eliphaz. They all come together for a visit to their troubled friend, and I honestly think they had good intentions. It seems like they were the “tough love” kind of friends. They are convinced that all of these bad things are happening because of some wrong doing on Job’s part and that he’s just in denial when he declares he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Now as I’m reading, I’m frantically searching for things they say that are wrong. But you know what every time I read this book I’m always amazed at their knowledge of God. Now do they get everything right? I don’t believe so, but they do have an extensive knowledge and this was before they have the Bible to use as a resource, right. Does all this info they have help them comfort/help their friend in his time of greatest need? Not one bit. They have obviously studied, maybe even had Divine encounters themselves, but it seems to me that not a single one of them asked God for his opinion before speaking for Him.

Do you know what our greatest resource can be in helping people around us? God. His love for them, and asking what is He working in their life. It may be obvious, but in Job’s case it wasn’t. And in their defense they had no way of knowing what was truly happening outside of asking God.

My point in all of this, when you want to help, try looking through God’s eyes. This isn’t easy, and if you’re not a Friend of God, it’s impossible. Only by abiding in God and having a constant communication highway between your heart and His will you be in tune enough to help the really deep cases. Not saying you can’t try to help, but without the help of the Almighty, you won’t know what is truly happening, and you might end up being just as helpful as Job’s friends.

Helping Your Child Through Loss

I’m sure I do not have to tell you that becoming a parent changes a lot of things. Some things are obvious. Some hit you a few months into it. Some you realize after years.

One of the biggest changes I’ve been noticing in recent years is friendships. Yes, its harder to make friends when you’re a mom. Blah blah blah. That’s not what I mean, necessarily. I’m talking about losing friendships.

I don’t know about you, but my friends become integral parts of my children’s lives. Probably because, as a mom of four, there really isn’t a way to “hang out” without at least one of them there.

Some friendships just don’t last forever, thats a natural part of life. You drift apart, go through a busy phase. Sometimes you meet up again later in life; sometimes you do not. I’ve had friendships that have lasted around 7 years just fizzle.

Before I had kids, it was tough, sure. Since having kids, its been heartbreaking! I have not experienced anything as tough as trying to explain why “so and so” doesn’t come by to hang out anymore. I, seriously, would rather have to break the news that someone died, before having to tiptoe around why someone suddenly refuses to say, “Hi,” when they see us in the grocery store.

I have not found a good surefire way to break this kind of news, but I do have some tips.

1. Deal with the loss yourself first. Come to grips with it, accept it, then explain it to your child. This helps you control your wording a bit more. If you haven’t fully processed what happened, do not try dumping all of that confusion on your little one.

2. Don’t be afraid to let them see you cry. This is especially true if they start crying. Cry with them. They need to know that it is okay to be sad and that you are going to miss that friendship just as much as they will.

3. Try to stay away from going negative. Be truthful, but do not go into a diatribe of how worthless and stupid this friend was, no matter how tempting that may be. You never know what the future may hold. That friendship might mend someday, but your child will never forget those terrible things you’ve said. Even if you hold no hope of mending the relationship, don’t go negative. This teaches them that it is okay to talk nasty behind people’s backs.

4. If this was a long relationship or a friendship with a family member, remind them that this friend still loves them and it is okay if they still love that friend. Kids have a tendency to internalize in a way that doesn’t make sense to us as adults. Even though we probably did the same thing when we were young. They need to know that friend doesn’t have a problem with them and not to take it personally.

It is still one of the hardest conversations to have, and I do suggest having it. Unless they are 5 or younger do not just wait until they notice and ask about it. It’s a much easier conversation when you control the atmosphere and timing.

Love is not…

Love is not staying silent.

Is there anything more powerful than silence? A long while back a group of friends and I had gathered at a friends house to watch a football game. During commercials it would get pretty loud with the din of many different conversations and groups of small children playing. I remember one commercial silenced the whole room. Was it a commercial for the news or some heartbreaking tragedy for which they were raising money? Or even the one with all the sad footage of the dogs on “doggie death row?” Nope! None of those. It was a commercial for an animated movie. What? Why? The first few seconds of the commercial are complete silence. Every conversation stopped and we all turned to the TV. The animated panda simply said, “Now that I have your attention…” and were all amazed at the ingenuity of it all. Not to mention I’m still thinking about it 5 years later.

Silence is powerful! It can communicate anger, disagreement, or apathy. What are you communicating by your silence? Christians are supposed to be working to make the world a better place, but it seems like a lot of us would rather bury their heads in the sand. The church has been eerily quiet on so many issues over the past generation, then we come out of our spiritual comas and look around and say, “wow, our country has gotten so evil! It must be signs of the times!” Now I’m not saying the end times aren’t getting closer, but most of this mess is due to apathy on our part. Love means shutting Netflix off and saying something.

Don’t like the TV shows or movies coming out lately? Find someone making clean movies and support them.

Don’t like the data showing that only 1% of children born today will ever go to church? Stop bickering with other churches and win the lost. By the way, Jesus did say that if we all just loved each other then the world would know we were His disciples.

Think Abortion is murder? Sign a petition! Support a teen mom! Sign up for foster care! Say something!

Remember before you speak to weigh down your words with love! Only what’s spoken lovingly will truly make an impact.